In Jeans And Chucks

Good morning, peeps!

I know you all are probably thinking that I’ve just abandoned you, but I haven’t.  I’m still doing my crazy work hours and I’m actually typing this with one foot out the door.  This means that I will be driving slightly over the speed limit to get to work, but I just had to tell you all something.

Saturday, I watched A Wrinkle In Time.  I don’t know why.  I’ve never had an interest in the book and the movie trailers looked weird, but I was the only person in my house at the time and I thought that a movie would go well with the two pieces of cake I shouldn’t have been eating.  I was not even feeling the movie until I heard this one line.  I guess I should tell you what led up to that line, huh?  So the little girl told Oprah Winfrey that she and the other women were beautiful.  Oprah said, “Thank you.  And so are you.”  The little girl shook her head and Oprah asked, “Do you realize the events and choices that had to occur since the birth of the universe to create you…just as you are?”

I almost dropped my pieces of cake.  Almost.

I thought about that line all day long.  Later, as I was preparing for leading worship on Sunday, God spoke something deep into my spirit and that thing has rocked me.  It’s almost like this and the Oprah-line were His “one-two punch”.

“There are three parties involved in this thing called life: the Godhead (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), the enemy of your soul, and you.  Only one of those continually questions who they are and who I am.”

You.  Me.  Ussses.

I grew up “telling the devil” who I was.  If you lived within 5 feet of a Baptist church, you had to hear at least one time in your childhood, “Now tell the devil, ‘I am a child of God!'”  Or, “Let the devil know how great our God is!”  And we’d yell it.  Guess what?   He already knows.  As a matter of fact, he’s known that for a very long time and he hasn’t doubted it from the first time it rang in his ears, which was a long time ago.  Way before you or I were born.  Those truths were declared all the way back in the day – no, before there was ‘day’ – and it wasn’t by us.

Before the time began, before crust covered the earth, before God spoke “let there be”, He declared, “This is how it is.”

Neither God nor the enemy ever question who God is.  Neither God or the enemy ever question who you are.  We do.  And that is why we have the gift of the scriptures.  The scriptures are full of times when the people of God forgot who He was and forgot who they were.  Tons of times.  I sat there as God spoke into my spirit and I thought about how earlier that day, I’d felt lonely.  I wasn’t alone.  Shoot, I’m never alone.  I couldn’t be alone if I wanted to.  God is always there.  I thought about the times that I’ve lived with a distorted view of myself, all because I questioned the value of the creation and the genius of the Creator.

But let me tell ya me somethin’.

–d.

Good morning, peeps!

Lesson #2 From The Joint: You Are Where You Need To Be

On the morning of our first full day in prison, one of the inmates walked past the back…

Before I go any further, let me explain some things.  I am a part of the Great Banquet community and one of the things we do is host Great Banquet “weekends”.  We do this for correctional centers, as well as for y’all free folks.  I am not doing a great job of explaining this so if you want more information, you can click this link and find out more: https://www.lampstand.net/great-banquet/.  Here is how the gym is set up in the prison:  there are nine long tables for the guests and team members and then a long table in the back for the directors, assistants, spiritual directors, and me.  We call ourselves “The Back Table”, or “The Table of Contents”.  Got it?  Okay, let me continue.

On the morning of our first full day in prison, one of the inmates walked past the back table and said, “Thank you, ladies, for being here!  We really appreciate it.  We are so happy that you’re here.”  One of the team members replied, “We are happy to be here!  And we’re happy that you’re here!  I mean, we’re not happy that you’re here, but we’re glad that…”  The woman, shaking her head, stopped the team member in mid-sentence and said, “I’m glad that I’m here.  This is where I need to be.”

Dag.

“God is a comedian.  Don’t let anyone fool you.  God’s got jokes.” – Galen

God has a sense of humor.  You can see it through the interesting ways He gets us to line up with His plan for us.  Some of those ways are fun, while some are very un-funny.  There are a lot of people in the prison system who, had they not been locked up, would be dead.  Life or death – those were the options.  We don’t look at prison and think “Ooooo! Life!”, but I promise you this: a judge’s gavel has been some folks’ saving grace.  Not everyone who is incarcerated views their present location/situation as bad.  Some of them see it as a blessing, sent from God.

I have a wonderful person in my life who, after hearing me talk about a current situation I’m in, encouraged me to look at it a different way: “Girl.  I hear you and I understand – been there, done that – but this is the way I would look at it if I were you: if God’s got you going through a bunch of pain and hell as He is working this stuff out of you, then KNOW that you will be better for it.  I know it hurts and you’d rather be ‘anywhere but here’, but you are exactly where you need to be.  Stop trying to run from it and sit in it.  Say “Okay, God, this is where You have me”, and let it do what it is supposed to do so you can move on to the next step.  I really need you to grasp this.  Know that whatevuh – hmm – whatevuh God has for you on the other side of this HAS to be greater than what you had or what you are going through.  It’s gotta be.  ‘Cause that’s just who He is.”

It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re facing the opposite way.   I know, I know: I’m deep.

Have a great weekend, peeps.

–d.

Good morning, peeps!

Let me quit playing and tell you about what has stuck with me from my weekend in prison.  I went to bed last night fully intending to do Part 2 of “Thursday-ish”.  I can’t.  This morning, my weekend was playing on the big screen.  I told you that being in the joint will change you.  It will.  So here we go.

Lesson #1:  Place More Value On The Nothings

I have a greater appreciation for the small stuff.  And when I say “small”, I don’t mean insignificant.  No.  I’m talking about the bits and pieces we don’t give value to because we have bigger fish to fry.  Guess what?  The little wiggly worm that was used to snag that fish matters too.  There was a woman in last weekend’s group who was developmentally-challenged.  I didn’t know who she was on the first day – which upset her, by the way – but I remembered by Day 2.   I’ll call her “Ms. C”.  I grew up with her and once I realized that, I became very sad.  Her family treated her like dog poo, and not the freshly-deposited-in-my-front-yard-and-I-don’t-even-have-a-dog kind.  My neighbor and I need to have a convo.  I just snuck in a vent.  I’m talking about dried-out dog poo.  Any abuse you can imagine was done to her.  The whole weekend, she kept looking back at me and I’d smile.  All she wanted was a smile.  I didn’t have to do too much – just smile.

If I didn’t tell you, I was the worship leader for the weekend.  I can’t remember if I already typed that.   I personally played – I had a keyboard – a lot of worship music, but I had some fun stuff on a CD.   I tried my best to play a lot of upbeat music that we could dance to because they do not get to do that in prison.  Did you hear me?  They don’t get to dance in prison.  Chile, bye.  I dance while cleaning, while making my bed, while folding the laundry, while dancing – I dance.  Never thought about how I would function if that was taken away from me.

I’m about ready to cry thinking about this.  Ms. C wanted to sing a song and asked if I would play the keyboard as she sang.  Sure, I can do that.  She didn’t even ask if I knew the song – I think she just assumed that I did.  It really wasn’t too much of a stretch to assume that I knew it because it’s the black church theme song.  Jesus On The Main Line.  When she approached the mic, the thought came to me: play it as if you were the one singing it.  So I went in.  She didn’t sing it the way I knew it was supposed to go because she added additional lyrics that had me going “What??”, but you got the point: Jesus is on the main line and you ought to tell Him what you want.  She went on and on and on and on.  I didn’t mind because I probably would’ve done it, too.  She started crying when she was done and said, “You don’t know how much that meant to me!  Thank you, Jesus!  Thank you, Jesus!”  Aww man!  I’m about to start crying again.  She was so grateful to given a chance to sing, that people were clapping as she sang, and that I played for her.

You’re praising God for that?  That was nothing.

On Friday night, I played “Unfinished” by Mandisa and “We Are Family” by someone.  It is 3 in the morning, folks.  I can’t recall everything.  We were having so much fun when someone said, “Let’s do a train!”  So we did.   I led everyone around the room, as we danced, laughed, and tried to sing.  It was so much fun.  On Saturday, I played another fun song while we were waiting to go to lunch.  It was “Happy” by Pharrell.  Now, I was not really feeling the whole “let’s do a train” thing because I was tired.  No, ma’am.  I was just going to do my little “I’m dancing in this one spot” pump-my-fist thing.  Ms. C had other ideas.  She looks at me and yells, “Everyone follow me!”  So you know what we did?  We followed her.  We danced around that room, following someone who was obviously way more excited about the whole deal than all of us combined.  Like, for real.  She squealed and clapped her hands, as she kept looking back to see if we were still following her.  At one point she said, “Y’all following me!!  Y’all following me!!  I’m going to cry!”  And she did.  She started crying, thanking Jesus that people were following her.

You’re praising God for that?  That was nothing.

God-sent gifts come in assorted sizes.  And shapes.  There is value in the tiniest of them.  In fact, they have just the same value as the biggest gift He can give.  Sometimes, even more.  It’s all about how you look at ’em.  Pay close attention to your world today.  Make note of the small things – the nothings.

–d.