A Jaded Moment

I watched her joy, but I didn’t join in.

My quiet was sharply interrupted by a yell and I groaned heavily. In the kitchen two rooms away, my oldest was yelling at the top of her lungs. “Yes, God! Whew! I’m about to shout!”  As I grumpily adjusted my pillows, I wondered “What is Alex going on about now?”  There was a knock on my bedroom door and before I could ask who was there, she bounded in, smiling and laughing.

Me: Alex, you are loud.

Alex: Oh my God! Mom!!  God is SO GOOD!!

M: (groggily) Yes, He is.

A: You know what I just realized? Nothing I do is a surprise to God!

M: (blinking the sleep away) Mmmhmm.

Alex went on to explain how she finally “got” that God knows all things and He isn’t surprised by anything she does, “AAAANNNNDDD” He isn’t holding any of those things against her.  She went on and on, repeating herself several times as she tried to fully convey what she was feeling.  She couldn’t.  I could tell.  She asked questions about scripture and I answered them as best I could.  Then she started in again with her love-gift of praise for what God had just revealed to her. I watched her face as her huge smile grew bigger and bigger.

I watched her joy, but I didn’t join in.

We shared a few words, embraced, and said “I love you”.  She bid me “good night” and left my bedroom.  I could hear her still giving God praise as she walked down the hall.

I watched her joy, but I didn’t join in.

I was typing a different post today when this exchange came back to me and I felt convicted. Why didn’t I join in with her?  Why didn’t I get excited for her? Aren’t I the one who said (look at old posts) that the reason I teach is for the look of relief on a person’s face when they realize that they haven’t completely boogered things with God – when they finally “get” how amazing and loving He is?  Yep.  I said that.  So what was my problem last night?  I was tired and just wanted to wind down and fall asleep.  I wasn’t in the mood for a long-winded discussion about God or anything spiritual.  I was feeling some type of way because I’d been telling my child that for years and now she gets it…at 11 p.m.??  I.  I.  I.

I was way off my game last night.

When this came flooding back to my mind, I thought of the passage in Luke 15 where Jesus was talking to the Pharisees after they had their two cents to spend about Jesus eating with sinners. The tenth verse states: “Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.”  If angels who’ve never known what it means to repent can rejoice for a sinner who does…

I know what it’s like not to know how awesome and loving God is.  I know what it’s like to believe that God has a huge stack of yellowed “misdeeds” lists with my name on ’em and He’s holding them against me.  I know what it’s like to believe that God can’t possibly be thinking good of me and that anything I try to do right is a waste of time.  I know.

I know what it’s like not to know the truth and I know how excited I was when I discovered it.  Alex has just discovered it for herself and she excited about it, too.  She has a joy that she cannot put into words.  Surely I can rejoice for my baby who has realized who her God is.  This is big.  This is huge.  This is LIFE CHANGING.

Lord, help me to remember it’s by Your grace that I get who You are and how You love. Help me to rejoice when someone else gets it, too.