(This is the last part of our devotional series “Breathe In – Breathe Out.)
Good morning, peeps!
“I can’t stop, no I can’t quit ~ It’s in my heart, yeah I’m all in… ‘Til the wheels fall off ~ `til the spotlight fades ~ I will lift your banner high…for the rest of my days ~ I’ll lay it all on the line ~ ‘Til the day I die” – from “Til The Day I Die” by TobyMac
A few weeks ago, someone said something that gave YAHWEH more significance. It is one of the names of God and I thought, “Shoot, that’s enough right there.” When she said YAH represents our first inhale and WEH represents the last exhale, I thought “Well. Ain’t that something?”
That’s really all I thought.
There’s nothing like the fear of a scary diagnosis to make you think about what you’re doing with your life. As I waited for my doctor to see me last week, I pondered this question: what am I doing with the breaths between YAH and WEH? On my drive home – it’s all good, by the way – I took my eyes off the road for a moment and looked at the lake as I passed by. Its dirty self was so beautiful with the sunlight bouncing off it. I rolled down my window, inhaled a lungful of air and as I exhaled, I yelled, “It’s a great day to be alive!!” I turned on my radio and this was the first thing I heard:
~ ‘Til the wheels fall off ~
I wonder if God had TobyMac write that song years ago just for me to hear at that exact moment. I screamed, “THIS IS IT! THIS IS WHAT I DO WITH THE BREATHS BETWEEN YAH AND WEH!!”
~ It’s in my heart, yeah I’m all in ~
I made a vow when I was a little girl that I would serve God until my very last breath. To be honest, I didn’t know what I was saying at the time and I doubt I even knew the definition of ‘vow’. I just said ‘yes’ because someone stood me up in front of the entire congregation, shoved a mic in my face and asked, “Do you vow to serve God until you die??” Now that I think about it, I am 100% positive I didn’t know what I was saying. What I did know is that “maybe, I guess” wasn’t gonna fly with my dad staring dead at me. I knew that much. I had to say ‘yes’, even if I didn’t mean it.
I mean it now.
MINISTRY = BREATH.
There is nothing I’d rather do with the breaths I breathe than go hard for God. Nothing. On those days when I glare at the red 3:30 on my alarm clock, it’s those breaths that keep me pressing on. Getting up at 3:30 in the morning is hard and there hasn’t been a day when I’ve woke up and been like “Woo hoo! Rise and shine! Yeaaaah! Let’s get it, God!! Come, Holy Spirit!” It’s a fight against everything my flesh really wants to do, but this spirit of mine fights harder. It fights for those breaths.
~ I will lift your banner high ~
When I sit at this laptop sans caffeine – which is so unsanctified – all I want to do is minister. The last thing I think about is impressing any of you with my words. I just want God to speak and I am so thankful He uses me and my quirky personality to do it. I just type. He speaks. I yawn and type. Exhale and peck.
~ I lay it all on the line ~
There are things I’ve had to sacrifice for these breaths. Some of those things I was like “Please, take it! Here!” Some of those…I still mourn their absence. Sleep is one of them. Just kidding (not). I limit what I inhale because I don’t want it to adversely affect what I exhale. I’m no prude, but I know me. There’s some stuff Deone can’t be around. It sits on my brain. It’s at those times when I’m riding shotgun on the struggle bus, that I remember who I do this for and I ask for His help.
~ It’s in my heart, yeah I’m all in ~
This devotional series was sparked by that woman’s quip about YAHWEH and my desire to discover what it is that I do with the breaths in between. We’ve explored so many things in this series and I pray that it has blessed you as much as it has blessed me. Feel free to look back through these posts as needed to remind yourself of the importance of those breaths. I know what I’m doin’ with mine.
‘Til the day I die.