(This is Part 3 in our series “A Fortified City”.)
Good morning, peeps!
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus…” – Philippians 2:5
Some people read my blog, hear my podcast, look at my FB status, or listen to me in a regular ol’ conversation and think this stuff just happens effortlessly. Girl, bye. This here is work. And it is sacrifice. This is not where I planned to go with this, but I recall a morning when I was sitting at my kitchen table and I asked the Lord for a scripture. He took me to John 15:13 which reads, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” I was like, “What are You trying to say, God?” Are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? I instantly pictured myself jumping in front of a bullet and asked, “Um, which one??” (You can go ahead and cut your eyes at the screen if you want to. Whatever.) God began to bring the faces of the people most dear to me and all I could say was “Um…” I started to feel like the worst friend ever when I heard in my spirit, “Are you willing to lay down Deone for your friends. Are you willing to let Deone die for your friends?”
By “Deone”, You mean my will and ways and stuff. Oooh. I’d rather take a bullet.
Remember what I said about caterpillars two days ago? I know it was depressing, but there is no getting around it. No matter how much you want to believe it, the caterpillar is not in its cocoon transforming into a butterfly like something out of the Transformers movies. No. It dies. And then the goo that is left after it disintegrates is miraculously transformed into a butterfly. But if the caterpillar doesn’t die, there is no goo and thus, no butterfly. It dies in order to be. I knew what God was asking of me that morning and the question has lingered in my mind for two years. No, I didn’t ponder it in my heart like Mary did when the angel visited her and told her she was about to be a mama to the best baby ever. It has just been there…lingering…like smog. And it comes to mind every time I sit down at this laptop to type this blog.
When it’s time to minister, I lay Deone down. I take her out. She dies. She has to. There is no way I can do this without that happening. I die to be. If there was a way my mind and the mind of Christ could be roommates, I’d jump at it. Believe that. I’d buy them monogrammed towels and a set of cookware. That would make my life so much easier. That is not going to work – not if I want to be. I keep saying “be” and you’re probably wondering what I’m trying to “be”. All that I was created to be. I want to be her. And I want her to have the mind of Christ.
But I’m afraid to die.