Blog, Daily Devotional

I Thirst.

Good morning, peeps!

As the deer pants for living water ~ so my soul needs you, Lord ~ I’m thirsty, God ~ You’re the living water ~ and my soul needs You, Lord ~ I need You, Lord

That line is from Tori Kelly’s “Psalm 42”. Did y’all know she put out a gospel album? Get. That. Joint. Oh my goodness. I have burned a hole in “Psalm 42”, meaning my son has unwillingly heard this song over and over and over and over since Sunday morning. No lie. Here is the scripture that the song is based on:

“As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.” (KJV)

So…yeah. I’ll give you all two additional translations because whoever wrote that was waxing poetically and I can’t deal with that at 3:30 a.m. Hart? Panteth? Whateth??

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God” (NIV)

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, my God.” (NLT)

Yesterday, I presented the fact that sometimes you will have to stand alone for others. You can go back to yesterday’s blog and re-read the questions I posed. This morning, I had this thought on rotation in my head: what if who you have to stand alone for is you?

Hmm.

Let me tell you how this train of thought pulled into the station. I went to bed nursing-home early yesterday. Look, I’m tired. I’ve restarted my “meet with God at 3:30 a.m.” thing and my body is not the least bit happy. Y’all, that 3-month hiatus was niiiice. I could snuggle underneath my covers well past 3:30 a.m. if I wanted to and I didn’t have to struggle to pray in the wee hours of the morn. Oooooh. I’ll admit that there were a few tinges of guilt those first days, but I got over it. With a quickness. Now I wish I had just kept up my routine because I am ready for night-night by 4 p.m. I feel old. Anyhoo, I went to bed at 6ish last night and woke up at 9:30. When I woke up, I was thirsty. And not regular thirsty. This was some my-throat-is-about-to-drain-the-water-from-my-eyeballs thirstiness. It was that serious. You know how you can swallow some spit and it gets a little better? This wasn’t that. My throat was hurting. So, I sat on the edge of my bed for a couple of minutes trying to decide what I was going to do about it. Oh! I can feel your judgment through this computer screen! “Um. Get yourself some water. Duh.” Look! That crossed my mind! That whole getting up and getting myself some water…I didn’t have the strength to do it. Plus, I didn’t feel like it. I was tired. So I cleared my throat and prepared to yell for my son to get me a drink of water. Pitiful, I know. So! Before I could get the first word out, God spoke to my lazy behind: “Sometimes the person you need to stand for is yourself.”

Tell me you didn’t just think what I thought: what does that have to do with my dehydration??

I have a great group of friends. And I’m talking friend-friends. True ones. They have stood with me plenty of times. There are three in particular who have stood with me in a situation I’ve dealt with for months. I have burned their phones up. And every time we end the conversation, they say, “I love you, girl. I’m here for you. I’m walking this out with you.” Do you know how good it feels to hear that? To know that someone is standing with you as you walk out your stuff? Man. I always feel encouraged and ready to continue standing after our conversations. When we are able to have them. Here’s the thing: they are not always available. Oh, my heart drops when my call goes to voicemail or my SOS text is not returned with a sense of urgency. This happened Monday and I sat there, looking at my phone for about 5 minutes before I thought, “You know, you can stand for yourself by yourself because you’re not really by yourself in the first place.”

I’ve always been told that “there is someone out there who is dying for you to tell your story”. This is true. There is something that only you can say that will minister to a particular person’s need. The same holds true when it comes to taking a stand. There is someone out there who is dying for you to take a stand. What if that someone is you? Think about it. We fail ourselves more than we fail others. On a daily basis. We break promises to ourselves, flood our own minds and hearts with self-doubt, set ourselves up for heartbreak (yes, it’s possible) and sell ourselves short constantly. Stop it. Take a stand for yourself – even if it means you do it alone.

It’s time to take a stand for you…even if you have to do it without your squad. There is a longing in your heart for God that only you can go after. Your soul longs for God – it pants for Him – and it will not be quieted. Remember the question I had when God spoke to my lazy behind: “what does that have to do with my dehydration”? It’s the ‘my’. That thirst was mine. Are you hearing me say “your” a lot? Did you catch that? THIS IS YOUR THING. If you are sitting here looking at these words thinking, “Man. I really long for a deeper relationship with God.”, the only one who can make that happen is YOU. If you want to go deep, start diggin’. No one has to hand you the shovel. Dig for yourself. Take a stand for your own relationship with God. Trust me, if you are really thirsty, you’ll do whatever it takes to quench that thirst and not depend on others to do it/be there for you.

Get up and get your own stankin’ glass of water.

–d.

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