(This is the next-to-the-last part of our devotional series “Press – The Musical”.)
Good morning, peeps!
“Just you and me…here in this place” – Place Of Worship by William McDowell
I have a 5 year-old nephew named Christopher. He is truly one of my great loves. He is so loving and smart and stubborn. Just like his auntie. I am referring to the stubborn part when I say that. I was babysitting him one time and I don’t know if his mama had given him candy, but he would not be still. I told him to sit down and when I left the room, I could hear him running around. So I walked up to him, grabbed him by his shoulders and tried to seat him in the chair. Do you know that little boy stiff-legged me?? Oooh! He held his legs straight out and refused to sit down. Even told me “no”. So I helped him out: I put my arm behind his knees causing them to bend and made him sit down. He crossed his arms and pouted, letting me know I was not his best friend anymore.
God is making me sit down. I’m pouting.
That episode with Christopher came to mind as I listened to this song this morning. Listen to it. They sing it so pretty like, “la la la la la, I’m skipping through the lilies”. All carefree. Got on my nerves. I don’t think I’ve ever lived an inch of this life carefree and la-la-la. Not even in a place of worship. I sincerely doubt there’s been one second. I am positive that I squirm in my sleep trying to make sure I stay in right standing with God as I slobber on my pillow. I’m the Martha of Christianhood: I am so occupied with the way things are instead of just sitting at the feet of Jesus. I don’t just be. God is forcing me to do that during this press. And I’m resisting.
Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. – Psalm 37:4 KJV
So, this morning, I decided to start a fast. I kinda feel like I’m cheating the system because I do this every day: I eat a light breakfast at 5 a.m. and then my next meal is dinner. This is not intentional – trust me. I like food and it likes me. #BFFoLyfe. The reason I don’t eat during the day is that I simply do not have the time. As I sought God for His guidance during this fast, I heard in my heart “What are you fasting for? Why can’t you just be?” Don’t get me wrong, there is not a thang wrong with fasting: if God places a time of self-denial on your heart, do it. This morning’s fast declaration was all me. God hadn’t told me to do a thing. I always feel like there’s something I gotta do, especially if I’m not seeing what I want to see happen. I know. I need to quit. I am still working myself out of the…dang. I just did it again, didn’t I?
Just so you know, this fast was about my desire for yet another confirmation. Remember blogs ago when I told you that I am the “confirmation queen”? Honey. I don’t think I can do that obsession justice with mere words. It’s a serious problem. Like, I need a confirmation for the confirmation of a confirmation that someone confirmed while I was seeking a confirmation for something they didn’t know they were confirming. That’s how bad I am. I remember two weeks ago I was driving home and I saw an “open house” sign. It was stuck on a corner with an arrow pointing thataway and the grass around it was dead. So three blocks later, I’m in my car trying to figure out the spiritual meaning of what I saw. It was a cardboard sign, y’all. Are you getting what I’m saying? Hmm. That open house sign was stuck in some dead grass…maybe God is saying… Good grief! I am positive God was rolling His eyes like, “You’ve gotta be kidding me, child!” because I heard in my heart, “Everything ain’t a sign, Deone. It was just an open house sign and the grass was dead. Why can’t you just let it be a sign and grass?”
Did you know that being has to be intentional? I don’t know how to do that. I told God that this morning and Psalm 37:4 came to me. To be honest, I only knew the words – the location was a mystery for me. And guess what? I fussed at myself about that. Goodness, Minister! You should’ve known the exact book, chapter, verse and page number for that scripture! Ugh!!!
Good grief. Why can’t I just be?